Behind the Curtain
by Czech Angel
Summary: Two weeks after the accident she starts visiting him. Slashy undertones.


**Title:** _**Behind the Curtain (1/1)**_  
**Author**: c.a.  
**Disclaimer**: Fine. I don't own The O.C. There. Are you happy?  
**Pairing**: a little Ryan/Seth  
**Rating**: R  
**Summary:** It's all in his head.  
**Author's note**: It's fic for livejournal's theocslash Quote Challenge. Because hates me, there's a much better formatted version of this at my homepage/livejournal.

**Self is the only prison that can ever bind the soul. – Henry van Dyke**

**_oooooooo_**

Two weeks after the accident she starts visiting him.

Ryan is sitting in the pool house reading when it first happens. His therapist gave him materials that could "help him cope with his grief" and he would rather read a whole library of self help books than spend two seconds with the Cohens who never know what to say and who always hover too closely around him. Seth included.

She's leaning against his night stand when he looks up. Her hair is hanging in her face slightly curled as she peers down at him on the bed.

"Hey, you're reading _Healing After the Loss_ ? That book totally didn't help when my grandma died. Just to let you know, " she says matter-of-factly looking at his book.

He can't speak. She looks the same as she did earlier that day. Young and beautiful and alive.

She continues not noticing his shock. "Did the Cohens send you to Dr. Wayne? The man's has no clue. He thinks talking in '90s slang makes him more in touch with kids." She rolls her eyes and then looks at him expectantly to agree with her.

Ryan doesn't know what to say. It's all in his head, he knows, it has to be. He's hallucinating and he needs to march right to Sandy and Kirsten and tell them that he needs some pills becomes he's finally lost it, but he can't move.

When Marissa lays down and puts her head on his shoulder, he thinks _this is real. this must be real._

"Do you miss me Ryan?" she says pitifully, "I miss you. I swear you're the only one who cares about me. Everybody else is all 'poor little rich girl, she brought it on herself with all that riffraff she hung out with'. I hate people." She sighs against him.

Her hair even smells the same like the fruity flowery shampoo she used. He wants to touch her in some way, but he doesn't want to feel what he knows will be cold skin. She places his arms around herself and continues on.

Marissa smiles at him beautifully. "Whatever. We're together now and there's nothing to keep as apart." Before Ryan can even respond with something Seth walks into his room.

"Hey, I was wondering — dude, what's wrong?" he asks as he takes in Ryan's pale face and clenched hands on the bed spread. Marissa places a arm around Ryan's waist possessively and glares back at this intruder.

Seth appears worried and he reaches out to put his hand on his shoulder. Ryan's eyes widen as the hand passes right through Marissa's body.

"Ryan, are you alright?"

**oooooooo**

The second time she comes it's a week later and he's in Seth's room.

Ryan and Seth are lying against on the bed sideways reading comic books. Ryan's sock is touching Seth's bare feet. Now and then Seth looks over at him. When their eyes meet the dark haired boy smiles at him. It's intimate and it makes Ryan's chest hurt because he doesn't want anything else, but this moment forever.

Lately these moments when they don't need any words to express themselves to each other and all need is to be together are rare and far in between. They're both leaving in the fall to different schools. And Seth's going with someone else. The only reason Seth's not with that said someone is right now is because Summer decided Rome was "happening" this summer.

When she comes back, Seth is going to go to comfort her.

And this will be gone.

Seth glances over to him again and opens his mouth as to say something, but stops himself and then looks down quickly, a blush staining his cheeks. He opens and closes his mouth again and then clears his throat. Ryan turns on his side and props up his head with his hand and smiles amusedly at the flustered boy.

"Hey, um, do you think that..."

Ryan doesn't hear the rest of that sentence because he spots Marissa near the door looking disapproving at them. "I've got to go to the um, bathroom." He stands up quickly.

Seth looks up at him confused. "Yeah, okay."

Ryan walks out of his room knowing that Marissa will follow him.

"Is this payback because of what happened between me and Alex?" Marissa asks following him into the hallway. Ryan turns back around. "Because you and Seth are just ---"

"What! We're what?" he snaps at her, nostrils flaring. "You're_ dead._ You can't just barge in and accuse of me of having of, I don't know,_ flirting _with Seth! You're dead. You're fucking dead!"

"That's no reason to act like a jerk," Marissa sniffs wrapping her arms around herself frowning.

Ryan wants to punch someone, but she's only person here. Even though she's not.

Not really there.

"This isn't...fair," he grounds out, "You fucking died and left me here."

He wants to rip out his hair and slam into walls, but she just stands there looking at him with those baby blue eyes. That's when he notices the bruise on the side of her head.

Marissa notices him looking at it and she touches it gingerly with her hand.

"Ryan, you look like you've seen a ghost," she laughs and cups her hands over her mouth in glee.

It's then that Ryan realizes that this new Marissa's smiles aren't friendly.

**_oooooooo_**

In Dr. Wayne's weekly therapy session all Ryan can think about is how geeked Seth would be if his shrink's first name was Bruce.

"So what's been happening, my man," his therapist asks conversationally leaning back into chair. Ryan resists the urge to roll his eyes and walk out for the fifth time. The thought of Sandy and Kirsten's disappointment always holds him to the seat though.

"You still having those wacked out nightmares?"

Ryan winces. He regrets telling him about seeing Marissa. All the man has done to help is ask disturbingly personal questions about his relationship with Marissa when all Ryan wants to do is make her go away.

He hasn't had the nerve to tell the man that his "nightmares" having been happening while he's been awake.

Ryan close his eyes and doesn't quite stifle a sigh. When he opens his eyes again it's to see Marissa sitting on the edge of Mr. Wayne's chair.

"God, he's so annoying, isn't he? I could just whack him in the head, but I'm not sure if he would notice."

"Ryan, you okay? You're totally wigging." Dr. Wayne leans closer to him with his forehead furrowed, pen poised over notebook.

"I hate him," Marissa pouts and crosses her legs. There's blood coming from her hairline. "I hope he doesn't talk that way in real life because that would be pretty lame."

"Can we talk about something else please?" Ryan begs because he can't talk about Marissa while she's sitting right there. It's too much.

Dropping the persona, Dr, Wayne agrees, "Okay, then. Tell me about your friend, Seth."

Ryan smiles in what feels like forever. "Seth's been great. Really great."

His therapist nods for him to continue, but he should know by now that Ryan won't say more than he has too.

The only time he talks much is when he's with Seth or Marissa.

Not that different from when Marissa was alive.

She's angry. Ryan can feel her emotions coming off in waves and her face contorts into this ugly unrecognizable thing. "So that's it. Seth is _so_ wonderful. Jesus, Ryan are you in_ love_ with him! God I wish I had known that it was Seth you wanted."

"It isn't like that!" Ryan blurts out jumping up from his seat.

"_What?_"

Marissa looks away in disgust and then continues sadly, "Maybe then I would've still been alive."

Tears start to prick his eyes and he can't stop them from running down his face. Ryan wraps his arms around himself and sobs.

He just wants her to go away.

**_oooooooo_**

Days later the Cohens decide to do a family trip to Disney Land. Throughout the car ride there Marissa snarks about the it between Seth and Ryan.

"I can't believe this how they're planning to cheer up by a trip to _Splash Mountain._ You know they don't even mention me anymore. And I was their adopted son's girlfriend. But then again that could apply to Seth."

Ryan ignores her taunts. He knows better after last time talking to her only causes trouble. After he yelled at her at the therapy session Wayne called the Cohens about his outburst. He was quick to say that what Ryan needed to go someplace without memories tied to Marissa.

Thus, the trip. He wants to thank the Cohens for all they are doing, but he really just wants to crawl back into his bed and sleep the day away. Seth keeps looking over at him and trying to catch his eye, but Ryan can't look at him just yet.

"You two are too obvious. I can't believe I never saw it before."

Ryan keeps on ignoring her and he curls up closer to the window and staring out of it and trying not to think about how pale she looks and how he can't see her reflection.

"I never pictured you into guys, Ryan. But then again you always were good at pretending you were better person. Right, Chino? You don't deserve to be here. _This isn't right._"

Ryan almost cries out when he feels her touch his hand. But then he registers that it's warm and not clammy. He looks up and sees Seth's dark eyes peering down at him.

Marissa has disappeared.

"Dude, do you wanna read a comic with me?" he asks. Ryan nods and Seth scoots the rest of the way across the seat. "This is the one where Batman and Nightwing make out."

He stares at Seth.

"I mean Catwoman," the other boy blurts eyes darting to Ryan's face, "Catwoman and Batman make out for like the hundredth time. Batman and Nightwing will never make out. That isn't how the story goes." Seth chuckles nervously.

Ryan looks down at his hand that Seth's still touching, and moves it away. He doesn't look up to see Seth's crestfallen expression and instead looks out the window.

"No. It isn't."

**_oooooooo_**

The last time he sees her it's at the end of summer. And Ryan is at the airport with Seth whose flying off to his art school on the other side of the country. Because of the infamous L.A. traffic, the Cohens aren't able to come.

"Can you believe this man? We're finally leaving the nest," Seth smiles at him looking a little sad.

Ryan bumps Seth with his shoulder as he walks him to the security gate. "It's not like it's going to be forever."livej

"I know, dude. I know," Seth nods and grins at Ryan, "But what am I'm going to do without Kid Chino at my side?"

"You?" Ryan banters back, "You're going to be just fine. I'm the one in trouble, without The Ironist I might revert back to my unfunny ways."

"The horror!" Seth mock gapes, "Well, that settles it. I can't leave now. Your unfunniness might destroy the world!"

Ryan chuckles. As Seth gets into the line to be checked out and searched, Ryan feels a heavy stone in his stomach."

Behind Seth's back, Ryan sees her. She's pale and her skin looks to be hanging off her bones. And Ryan struck by the fact that she looks just like she did on the day she died.

"Here's your chance, Ryan. Tell him how you feel," Marissa sneers, "Because that's how it should be, right? You and your adopted brother can go and live In San Francisco with all the other freaks. Yeah, that's just perfect." She laughs.

"Hey, Ryan. I gotta go," Seth says struggling with his carry on. He leans in to give Ryan a hug.

He closes his eyes and embraces Seth fully and lifts his head to smell in his hair. God only knows when he can do this again. He blocks out Marissa's taunting.

"Ryan, I really got to go," Seth mumbles but doesn't let go. And to the words he knows Ryan is trying to say, "I'll miss you, too." Marissa just laughs harder at this.

Shut up, he thinks,_ Shut up, I'll do whatever I want. Without you. _

Marissa abruptly stops laughing.

"Then do it," she says evenly staring straight into Ryan's eyes.

Seth finally lets go and gives Ryan a little wave. "Bye."

Ryan stands there as he watches Seth walk away.

And he doesn't say a word.

After he can no longer see Seth pass the checkpoint, he walks quickly to the bathroom and throws up. When he's washing out his mouth in the sink he looks up into the mirror expecting to see Marissa's triumphant face behind him.

In a way it doesn't surprise him when all he sees is his own pale reflection looking back at him.

**The End.**


End file.
